Moving Forward on to a Happy Valentine's Day!

Moving forward…

“And these things will last forever, - faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love. “

1 Corinthians 13: 13-14.

The following was written by Kris Teeples in 2019. We want to thank her for her love, inspiration, and faith she shares with us and many others. Kris is a Counselor in Training. Her assignment was to gain new insights regarding the experience and process of disabilities. Including her personal reactions and reflections.

The following paragraphs are dedicated to my dear friends and brother and sister in Christ, Kathy and Curly Patterson. The love, integrity, faith, and resilience of who they are has been a gift since I met them. From the first Sunday I met Curly and Kathy at our new call at our church in Fountain Hills, AZ, I felt a closeness with them. God does this with people. He brings our hearts together without yet knowing each other fully. I am a graduate student getting a Masters in Counseling. I was assigned the task of interviewing a person who had a disability and I immediately knew I wanted to ask Curly and Kathy for their insights. Selfishly, however, I just wanted to visit with them again. It had been a while!

I walked into the beautiful home of Kathy and Curly, meeting them both with a hug at the door. Kathy, as always, had filled her home with hospitality and Curly filled it with his kindness and sincerity.

August 25, 2014 was the day that changed Kathy and Curly's lives forever. While visiting family in Minnesota, Curly, standing 6'5" next to Kathy's 5'4" frame, found himself in the throes of a severe stroke. Kathy was there, knew it was happening, took action immediately calling the hotel to ask for an ambulance and then, calling for prayer through her iPad and phone. Both of these actions resulted in the doctors proclaiming a miracle over Curly's survival as he lived through the stroke and other complications that followed.

Since the stroke, Curly has been working for these years with Kathy right by his side as his strongest support and the love of his life. The stroke, which Curly calls a "wiring problem in the brain," has him spending most of his time in a wheelchair. Each day and week, he pursues his goals through physical therapy, speech therapy, pool therapy (seasonally), and strengthening exercises with a personal trainer. When I asked him his goals, Curly immediately responded, "To walk again." Curly is also working to regain many things including the strength in his voice through speech therapy, Ultimately, he wants to live the fullest life with which God has blessed him.

Maintaining progress is a big part of all the work Curly does. Just last week he stood from a chair to the walking poles with much more smoothness than earlier last summer. Kathy says they celebrate each bit of progress no matter how slow. Keeping their insurance for therapies is a financial practicality. In order for this to happen, progress has to be a part of the report. So, they said, in a sense this keeps them pushing through and working hard.

Through the questions I asked Curly and Kathy in my interview, I learned that before Curly' stroke he was goal-oriented and a person of resiliency. He already had the challenge of MS that was affecting his health prior to the stroke. One of the things Curly described as I asked him how he sees himself and how he wants others to speak about or see him in terms of his disability is that he wants to be seen as a person who happens to have a disability not as "disabled." There are many aspects of who Curly is that have not changed. He remains goal-oriented and full of resilience. When I asked what gifts have been developed as part of his life since the stroke, he said, "Patience." With a tender, fun-spirited smile and a pat on Curly's arm, Kathy agreed wholeheartedly with his response.

When I asked about societal barriers and ways in which people may react or misunderstand his disability, Curly said, "Sometimes people look at me like I am sick and I am not sick, I want them to know most of all that I am not sick, I just have a disability, a wiring problem in my brain." Kathy said that at first after the stroke occurred, especially, one person would talk to Curly like he was a baby. Being known as a person with many facets and being challenged intellectually is as important as it ever was. The stroke has changed Curly's stamina but not this desire. His stroke has the effect of making him more physically tired as he works and processes, but he thoroughly enjoys things like the men's Bible Study group and their deep discussions. Curly and Kathy deal with the societal challenges through their faith and kind understanding. They give grace to others.

When I asked what personal barriers are the most salient, they both responded with the environmental or architectural challenges as being some of the bigger issues with which Curly deals. Most homes and even public buildings have a three to four-inch door rise. However, nothing stops Kathy and Curly. They still enjoy going out to eat and on adventures and travels so Kathy does her homework and checks things out well beforehand. This makes mobility as easy as is possible.

In inquiring about the emotional side of dealing with a new disability, I asked if they were given training of any kind as to what to expect emotionally and physically. Kathy said they were given some but not a lot and, in a way, she felt this was good because it is just something you need to jump into and work out together. To me as a counselor-to-be this shows the inner health and resilience both Kathy and Curly had prior to the stroke. I specifically asked Curly if he had any depression and he said he was fortunate not to have depression issues. Kathy stated that the stroke caused Curly to be more emotive, but she sees this as a good thing. It seems logical that if a client with a disability goes in with strong emotional health prior to a brain injury such as a stroke, then the healthy response to the trauma is much stronger.

Finally, in closing I want to point out what I learned from Kathy and Curly about their faith in God and the factors that helped them and still help them. When I asked them, what factors have been the most helpful in their adjustment and ongoing perseverance, they both agreed that their faith in God and love from others, from their family and church family especially, have been the biggest factor. They have always valued their faith, but now they pray together, for themselves, for their family, and for others. Curly and Kathy rely on God fully. In describing what some of the harder factors are, Kathy said she struggles to ask for help and wishes she could return the help that she has been so greatly given. For instance, one couple from church in the earlier months of Curly's disability would organize a small happy hour each week going to Curly and Kathy at their condo to just be there with them enjoying something "normal" in life. Now that this couple is struggling with some health issues, Kathy finds herself wanting to help but she knows her limitations. I am certain, knowing Kathy, she finds ways just by who she is to give! What I learned from this is that asking for help is a challenge for the caregiver. That is a topic a counselor can work with to bring encouragement and comfort.

In closing, I felt so blessed to be with Curly and Kathy and am grateful for their friendship. What I saw was a couple who is filled with love, resiliency, self-advocacy, honesty, faith, and grace. They celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last June 20th. For 50 years, they have been a team in this life. The disability Curly experienced has only strengthened their teamwork and their reliance on God. The things that are eternal, such as love, patience, kindness, perseverance, and faith, are the things that will last in this life. With 1 in 5 Americans currently diagnosed with Chronic Illness or Disability, these eternally lasting things are what we as counselors can work to encourage and highlight as a strength that may be grown or already present in the life of a person with a disability, such as Curly.

Thanks to Curly and Kathy for a wonderful visit and a time to learn more how to be the best counselor for those with a disability. I cherish them and this time together.